I have the worst timing, but my name is Charlie and I am am autistic biromantic nonbinary femme (ugh that’s why I just say queer). I’m married to a wonderful trans woman named Caitlyn who also happens to be my caretaker. I suffer from chronic pain, fatigue and debilitating CPTSD from multiple layered traumas. I don’t know who I was before trauma, but my life was shaped by it. I worked hard in high school, put in so much time and effort to break free from my childhood only to find myself painfully ill-equipped to manage without the comfort of dysfunction. It’s sobering to realize it’s been 5 years since I turned 18. I really hadn’t planned on living this long. 

I cannot turn down my anxiety enough to interact with people for long lengths of time. I know my friends and family love me but I can be radioactive with my pain. It’s made maintaining relationships almost impossible as I am both terrified of hurting and being hurt. I am fine with my autism. I can even put up with my chronic pain, but my trauma was done to me. It was evil. It had intent, and every day I see it rewarded. I’ve hidden all my life because men like Trump walk among us and are rewarded. I’ve been triggered and invalidated by all forms of media, threatened from strangers invading my space in public, and out of the mouths of the people I love. It’s not fair that there is nowhere safe for over half of the world’s population. It’s unfair that the more marginalized you are, the more invisible you become. And because you’re invisible, they shout down your pain. It’s unfair that so many will read my words and know exactly how I feel. 

I have cut ties with dear loved ones who are Trump supporters. It was painful but you saw my scars, ignored the allegations and voted your conscience. Now I have to trust mine.

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